Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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