Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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