i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
