Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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