What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
