i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
