this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it was like his penis was on wheels.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
