She said her name was "party"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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