A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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