Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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