Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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