So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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