Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
