i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
