We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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