saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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