My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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