did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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