i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
