i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Randomize
