just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
