My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
