just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
