So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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