I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
