I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize