At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
