I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
