i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
