I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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