So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
