I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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