Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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