You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
