mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
