I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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