Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize