I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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