Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
