I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
