I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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