but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
