i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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