just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Did I show you my penis last night?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
