He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
