Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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