He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
