I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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