Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
