I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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