omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
