please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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