Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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