apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
