just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
