sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
