Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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