your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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