My nipple is on Facebook.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
