Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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