Kiss
Puke
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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