I accidentally burped into my bong.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
