I bet he comes in French.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
