Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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