at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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