How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
